Hallucinations

What it is

2010-02-08T21:23:00.001-05:00

Activity, of late:
I must be intentionally
compromising my health

strangling myself
over layers of
what it is

I should be deserving

Of you:
I was ready to crumble
I doubt you have
seen me as something
put together
I don't even know
if I've seen it

But you sure aren't helping

I tore
off my clothes
like the easiest thing in the world
like it would make you sing

It is not a matter of
(whether or not)
you (are) watching my body
anymore

Boils

2010-01-31T18:27:00.002-05:00

Boiling boil, I am covered in boils
you lit up in flames
I wasn't watching
I licked the lid
you had to be mine
You let me burn while I was licking
you let me, burning
I entwine you
I tie you
I tried

You, tied to my table
and home all the time

Departure, repeat

2009-12-09T19:57:00.001-05:00

Benjamin expands
like the body beneath him;
a breathing apparatus
to make memories with
and inflict guilt onto.

Was it easier before,
with a body beside him
almost faithfully?
He would make coffee
every morning
either for the taste
or as a means to burn.

Approaching doorways
he can only think of
her crooked back,
how the scoliosis
would graze the frame;
he never asked her if
this was on purpose

or if it was her intention
to leave him like she did-
the sudden disappearance
of something like a whale-
only to return now and then
just to slip silently into bed.

Normandy

2009-11-10T11:14:00.001-05:00

Trapped in buildings
like pill bottles
and pills that I am locked
into taking

Frozen on couch cushions
I go back to the beach
in France with my mother
getting soaked in my jeans
even filthier than now

Even before minds could be
puzzles or boxes or
fire-proof blankets
I understood my hands
forging castles in sand
and the shells of parts
of grand ships that once
deployed soldiers that
died where I’m ruining
my pants

This was all before
I could then look back
to ocean water
and even dare to
contemplate reversing
the process

of 10,000 soldiers
climbing ashore
to 10,000 bullets
with one woman
walking past
and wading too far

Ready the Body

2009-10-27T19:45:00.004-04:00

Prepping the body
as though the skin were like snakes
as though the skin were like
etched Russian glass
beautiful, but to touch
may result in swelling or shattering
killing yourself
or killing it

To prepare her body
she must be illuminated
like the city under siege
torches, the flame throwers,
and candles for praying

Ready the body
ready, my body
I wait, baited for touching
that doesn't burn
or crack
the skin I've cultivated,
shivering under pretense

You're touching yourself

Salt Persons

2009-09-27T17:40:00.004-04:00

The saline content of rainy-day skins:

I could have licked you all over

and then some

Salt-licks and salted wounds

I was growing more confident with every flavor

I managed to scrape off your skin

with the prickled belly of my tongue

I believed I could absorb your being

as I salivated and your taste committed

itself to the insides of my mouth

Could you really take shape, though

in the muggy constrictions of my tracts

where I could tuck you away

and let you surface

as I walk away in rain?

Notorious

2009-08-07T03:01:00.004-04:00

Get out

Move in

I can push myself

beneath the door

Sometimes we are careful

about locking

sometimes we just aren't

Like we're more afraid

of being caught with

our pants on in privacy

than losing

to the infinite number of

thieves I know would watch me

if only they knew who I was

Apparition

2009-07-30T00:04:00.004-04:00

Grey grey

as in winter

or children

shouldering slowly across the grass

shuddering only

I don't want to know

how apt you are

to forget

my face

in snow

I'm remembering your coat

braced for windfall

I recall

2am sighing long

in heated arms

co-haunting this bed

Your lady ghost

don't lose my shape

on the borders

of eyelids

Like children

I've followed

halfway home

They'll remember it all

I'm here waiting

for arms

Call my name

I'll breathe with you soon

I better be there soon

Bodies the Stems

2009-07-29T23:38:00.003-04:00

Breathing in the garden malady

I feel I've spoken too much

I shudder as this sun kills another

The flowers are frying

Now I'm feeling the garden

as just some regal clutter

We are feigning fruit-trees

like towers between dwellings

what comes before me and

the man I love is a hedge

the gardener planted in summer

with leaves that won't die

are not dying

Perhaps you find me sour

Uprooting and replanting

the corpses they're stems

I'm afraid of them growing

sharp shearing, the trimming

Ocean Rot

2009-07-02T20:37:00.003-04:00

Pulling my clothes off

to head to the ocean

I'm tantalized by

these waters like

any woman

swim or drown

or dive for men

I'm not accustomed

to heavy salt stains

on my skin when

all I asked for was

to be carried

without complaint

I could cut you

with these starfish

I could sterilize

these scales

in oceans of formaldehyde

where skin won't

rot off bone where

I don't need to

blink when I see

you coming

Your fingerprints

are fused to me

like shards of glass

or sand

Garten, und so weiter

2009-06-24T01:38:00.003-04:00

Lingering longer over land

I will not be melted by man

Turn to the sea

to the ice-floes beyond the sea

the fields

I left my heart under the Linden tree

I am haunting the flagstones

where Ottmar releases spiders

To ignore your flesh

I pluck the Pfefferminz

Longing for terrain

is practical

not imaginary

like wanting your words

to keep from cutting

so clean

In Grasses

2009-06-17T20:13:00.003-04:00

Of fertility between cityscape, a respite from some sky-scraping. Allowing myself to be explored by insect, my body stationed between bark, I am the runway for plant-life. Wishing for grasses to sprout from my legs, to transform my language into this life. My words as water dropping in molecules, absorbed by the soil commingling with the rain of everyone sucked into the veins of stems.

Diver

2009-06-14T09:38:00.004-04:00

You are not the end-stop

Whereas I implore you

to find some reason

in the dive

wanting it so bad

to end at you

I forget my trajectory

is exposed to salt-air

is prone to staleness

I am exploding

a mosaic of rust

I am infecting your glean

You won't wait with me

wind-warping the

skin we have left

You won't close your eyes

give in to the fall

letting loose skin take it on

Ice-floe

2009-06-13T10:03:00.002-04:00

Feeling you as an ice-floe

you began with a break

going on to continuously

tear at me not stopping

until I was red

I can't remember

my skin not aching

for validation

as though your frost

were the word

please touch me again

or else I am useless

There is some killing

occurring a continuum

I've staked too much

in ice

I wanted to move you

to tears my body

to break the flow

some divergence

you'd need me

Why can't you ache

like I'm spanning

too long and too wide

You hold your ground and

simultaneously move me

to shreds

I don't want it

anymore

Sea-son

2009-06-11T21:50:00.002-04:00

These aren't seasons

that pass my dear

I think that I'm

passing too slowly

undressing too quickly

I couldn't tell you

how heavy it is

to have limbs

they're aching

they want to

wind around

you softly

Like bandages

I'm bursting

I couldn't tell you

how healing I'd be

Less like summer

more like sinking

Tongues

2009-06-08T23:56:00.002-04:00

Sitting for sounds

this city is spitting

like some falling

from mouths

I just want to hear

the wet I can know

what I'll sound like

melting for you

Meet me in moisture

Slinking through sewers

meet in the gutter

Somewhere sitting

in soil sucked dry

by the sun I'll

send you the

quicksand and

we'll meet in

the center

After the Birds

2009-06-03T23:40:00.002-04:00

Making like pigeons

I am eating

cigarette butts

bathing now in

public fountains

My feathers have

been ruffled

It's just enough

to try and strut

I'm at the point

of attacking my

reflection in

3rd floor windows

clutching the sills

hereafter slipping

to try and find

some elevation

Kitchen Witch

2009-06-02T22:15:00.004-04:00

Paralyzed I am dropping

ashes like set pieces

Nothing more

than smoky skins

I've turned into the

thing under the counter

I'm infecting the pans

my feet in the fridge

the sink is my personal

saddle now I'll never

leave

such is my

performative immobility

I'll be swept under

the rug though I'm

afraid I can't

crumble like I

could as children

Blindfold

2009-06-01T21:20:00.003-04:00

In your temporary blindness

I lead you to some peak

an ecstasy we co-own

as I co-opt your senses

You can't understand my feel

until I've tied you

and kept you from seeing

binding you

I'm keeping you

your groping as some

painful, beautiful effort

my weight as your struggle

my struggle to break you

to own you

Stripping you to

fetishize my

effect on perception

to lead you deeper

You'll push your own way

even deeper

Victor

2009-06-01T21:03:00.003-04:00

You know enough

to know when

a poem is about you

Your name is signified

in each pen-stroke

I can muster

as much as it lives

in the skins I've shed

in the shower

the skins I keep

You are more present

in this city than I am

I find you in the most

surprising corners

I just found you

lingering above

some irrelevant

letterhead

the fruit I destroyed

with the ball of my foot

in the kitchen was me

and you were the floor

I am picturing you now

with your neck bent

you angles need to be spoken of

I can't stop your

manifestations

I would never

Flustering

2009-05-30T11:19:00.002-04:00

Something like remembering

some Autumn spent in bed

flustered from the trees

this is your skin

as an absence

your body as some reminder

of days of breath as fog

I can't touch anything

brushing the streetlamp

like your phantom shoulder

Please re-materialize

before me

before Autumn

That season as

a sickening

haunting event

where every sensation

of the body

(what I could say

of those shoulder blades)

of the ephemeral

chill like a singular

skein swallowing me

I'll hope you're more

material than this

River Vs.

2009-05-29T00:17:00.003-04:00

I am not in the river

I have become the river

Your country is dry

I've never known so many bones

your trees and your homes

too much skin

I am showing

I feel like breaking

a moment after cracking

My rivers

we flow in perpetual transience

and if we branch off in a

million directions to head

home to the ocean

the ocean, the origin

then we know we're alive, right?

I've never not known

the difference between

the living and the dead

Your days turn prematurely to ash

you're afraid of the fires

I've spent my whole life

building fires and breathing

in water

My whole life never considering

my days built on bone

my fluidity, temporary

my origin, illusory

In your arid expanse

in your heat

in your bones

I bring the rivers

I am surrounded by the

waters of my birth

Water in which I

cannot guarantee life

I've never felt it so dead

Desperation

2009-05-27T01:40:00.003-04:00

You are important

I wrote you the most

terrifying poem I could

Writing to you

attempting to break your skin

breaking my heart

It was the only thing I could do

foolishly hoping my texuality

could compensate for body

I'd have left you my ashes

if it would mean something

I can't even satisfy

my longing for you

through these multitudinous

attempts at imprisoning you

in poetry

There is nothing

that will do the trick

An Apology for the Mess

2009-05-26T23:41:00.003-04:00

From 30,000 feet

the sight of some river

could only make me cry

In dirt and desert growth

the memory of the river

encased me in the persistence

of water fluidity as

some sacred measure

though all I care for

are your limbs painfully

absent at the sight of the

familiar landscape

You cherish some stability

I can't squeeze myself

into your stoicism

as though the absence

of tears signifies

a timidity of ache

I haven't hurt as much

looking down at the

gridwork of lights knowing

my body is hurdling

thousands of miles away

from yours at a speed

that horrifies me

This fact makes me

want to vomit

How can the Hudson hold me

like it once could when

it is the desert that broke

my body and is crying

out for my presence

to continue with the breaking

The instability is the only part

that makes sense

in the wake of this

departure

To stand as some solid mass

interrupts my transience

my capacity to curl tighter

around your ghost

Please forgive me

I am a series of implosions

There is nothing as foul

as the gnawing

blistering ache

of the body propelling

at top speed

from the only other body

it cares to acknowledge

you are the only

other body

Winnifred

2009-05-23T02:18:00.002-04:00

To Winnifred

who fell from four stories

I have not yet ventured

to inquire about

the status of your uncertain death

You are sprawled on the ground

and I can only interpret

this mishap as an extension

of my own body

prone to leaning much too far

out the window addressing

the altitude of what sort

of injury I could inflict

upon my body

I'll let you lay there

a little longer to contemplate

your leap before I muster

up the courage to reclaim you

and reclaim my title

as your owner and caregiver

Do you want to be 'found'?

Or would you prefer to

return to earth and leave

my meddling human hand

out of your perfectly

decorative existence?

I can only speculate

and read too much

into my poor

suicide plant

Breakfasts

2009-05-21T13:43:00.004-04:00

In the dark we

fried up the bacon

and discussed our egg

options like autopsy

boiled or scrambled or

not at all I spill

the juice

"Goddamn it all!"

You yell and I'm out

on the porch watching

the sun come up

waiting for the year

to end

Weather Bodied

2009-05-21T02:54:00.012-04:00

You leave me dry

with a desert mind

with your desert body

I ought to embalm

(interpolate moisture)

You bring the dirt

I'll combat with the rain

Do we speak of our motives

as such opposing forces

inciting disaster?

I can flood your desert town

you'll dry the Hudson

We can't contain our

expression we touch

more than just the

Two

This country won't be

the same after

we're done with each other

Though it can never be over

as I'll be planting cacti at

Coney Island for years to come

you'll expand the Kidney-shaped

pool for a new desert ocean

I covet the cracks

now burned in my skin

I support your ambition

your drowning